“I told myself all sorts of lies, standing there at the bar, but I could not move. And this was partly because I knew that it did not matter anymore; it did not even matter if I never spoke to Giovanni again; for they had become visible, as visible as the wafers on the shirt of the flaming princess, they stormed all over me, my awakening, my insistent possibilities.”
–From Giovanni’s Room By James Baldwin
Welcome to The Choreography of Conflict! Welcome to Giovanni’s Room, where David found and faced some hard truths about himself, and learned still even more about his heart, his mind, and what he was and was not willing to confront and give up for his own liberation. (Don’t worry, you can still use this framework, even if you haven’t read Baldwin’s book.)
Important notes:
- The Choreography of Conflict is a living, breathing text. The steps and tools outlined here are meant to continually incorporate feedback from participants in the framework, and grow and shift according to the needs and desires of the Giovanni’s Room community. Therefore, please consider reflection and feedback as a part of this process from the start.
- This framework was created using the ideas, research, paradigms, language, and teachings of so many humans, some of whom are not known by government name, including, but not limited to (in alphabetical order):
- Michelle Alexander, James Baldwin, Adrienne Maree Brown, La Marr Jurelle Bruce, Octavia Butler, Care (from Erotics of Liberation), Staceyann Chin, Citizen Cokane, Ra’Shya Ghee, Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Ismatu Gwendoyln, Wenona Victor Hall, Stephen Hawking, Prentis Hemphill, YK Hong, Bell Hooks, Jameelah Jones, Mikki Kendall, Ursula Le Guin, Audre Lorde, Heather McGhee, Resma Menakem, Alok V. Menon, Mia Mingus, Toni Morrison, Darcia Navaraez, Abiola Ogoro, Tema Okun, Nia Óla, Dana Pedersen, Richie Reseda, Karen M. Rose, Kristianna Smith, John Steinbeck, Sonya Renee Taylor, Wahinkpe Topa, Dr. Nicole Rawls, Nayyirah Waheed, Isabel Wilkerson, Jeanette Winterson, Malcolm X…
- Attribution Theory, AA/NA, Biomimicry, The Blackfoot (Siksika) Hierarchy of Needs…
This is an acknowledgement of the labor put forth by these humans and MANY other unnamed artists, scholars, thinkers, feelers, organizers, and content creators, and of the work they have given to the world in an effort to help us all understand ourselves and each other, and thrive in community.
Chor·e·og·ra·phy, noun, the technique or art of composing, representing, or arranging movements, steps or patterns, using a system of notation.
–The New Black American Refugee Dictionary of Terms
In this space, using the tools outlined in this living document, our goal is to support individuals and our communities in understanding, processing, and expressing the movements and patterns of internal and interpersonal conflict. This framework aims to help us understand, acknowledge and be accountable for harm, and begin to repair injured or ruptured bonds. It also serves to help participants establish and evaluate healthy boundaries, and continually grow into more aware and adept community members.
Built into this conflict transformation framework are the following acknowledgements:
- We acknowledge that we each come to this space having experienced trauma and harm at the hands of individuals, communities, systems, and regimes, and having caused trauma and harm ourselves.
- We acknowledge that we enter this space with our own emotional needs, tools, and capacities.
- We acknowledge that the work of unpacking and healing from trauma is lifelong, multi-generational, whole-body work, and that this work is informed by our multiple intersecting identities.
- We acknowledge the centuries-long systemic exploitation and oppression of Black and indigenous peoples, as well as other marginalized communities.
- We acknowledge that centering the relative safety of the most marginalized identities serves to teach and heal us all, and helps us grow from the harms caused by our collective indoctrination in misogynistic white-supremacist ideology.
- We acknowledge the inhumane and dehumanizing nature of carceral punishment systems, and the ways in which systemic racism, sexism, classicism, and ableism have served to work within white supremacy culture to create the circumstances under which marginalized communities are impoverished, deprived of resources, and then vilified and criminalized.
- We acknowledge the human capacity for growth and transformation, as well as the importance of grace as we navigate our respective healing and growth journeys.
Accepting and internalizing these acknowledgements, while not absolutely necessary for the use of this framework, will likely aid participants in their navigation of the various steps outlined here and in using the tools provided.
Before We Begin: On The Safety to Be Human
When conflict arises internally or in community with others, one of the greatest determinants of how the people involved are able to navigate the disagreement is safety.
In the context of westernized social norms and rules, white-supremacy culture tenets such as either/or thinking (there are good people and there are bad people) and objectivity (certain behaviors are objectively good and others are objectively bad) have been used for centuries to alienate and dehumanize people, creating a dynamic where the consequence of imperfection is often to be denied our most basic human needs (food [and water], clothing, shelter, sleep, bodily autonomy, love, joy, dignity, and belonging.)
If, in the face of having committed an error or caused harm, we are threatened with alienation (the elimination of our source of love and belonging), shaming (the elimination of our dignity and emotional safety), and even incarceration (elimination of our physical safety and bodily autonomy), then navigating the conflict that has arisen from our actions becomes less about understanding, accountability, repair, and growth, and more about our very survival as human beings.
Within our current society, we may face anything from being publicly shamed and shunned by friends and community members, to losing our housing, to being arrested, prosecuted, and enslaved for our mistakes. Little by little, from birth, this toxic western ideology has been normalized for us, so much so that the othering and disposal of human beings who are unfortunate enough to be witnessed in their imperfection has been replicated in nearly every facet of our lives.
Given how pervasive and deep-rooted the dehumanization of people has become, it is crucial that, when imagining healthier ways of being in connection to others, we prioritize creating and maintaining spaces that are safe for us to practice new systems of accountability, safe for us to be human.
For how can we heal and grow from the harm caused by our participation in these inhumane systems if we are not even safe to honestly communicate where it is that we currently find ourselves and how we have internalized and adopted these ways of being?
Though safety is and will always be relative, when we talk about creating a safe space for practicing, we must consider:
- safety in body (physical safety)
- safety in being heard/witnessed
- safety in being believed
- safety to express challenging/embarrassing/stressful/dark truths
- safety in confidentiality
- safety from judgment/shaming
- safety to do what is necessary to self-regulate and meet your needs (take space, talk to the person with whom you experience conflict, create boundaries)
- safety in being validated in your feelings
- safety from either/or dichotomous labeling
- safety from internal stable attributions
- safety from reverse “-isms” when expressing harm
- safety from being cast as a teacher
- safety from boundary violations
- safety from white supremacy and the prioritization of the comfort of a dominant group
When envisioning and building these human-centered spaces of practice, it is key that we work to balance the relative safety of those involved on all of these dimensions, prioritizing the most marginalized intersections of identity. We must acknowledge and say YES to the imperfect, messy, complex work that community is, and know that the journey is both the work and the goal; there is no absolute destination. Remember, the rights of each person end where the rights of their community members begin.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
– Prentis Hemphill
The Fallacies of Westernized Medical Models of Health
The western medical model for understanding, diagnosing, and treating diseases and disorders in humans is based in the scientific method, and hinges on western models of research to name and validate the ailments and maladies that people may experience.
This same model of understanding human dysfunction has been mapped onto the social science and mental health fields, dividing and separately classifying diseases of the mind from those of the body. Billions of tax dollars have been spent on western empirical studies aimed at discovering the specific neurological system and/or neurochemical that might be “responsible” for the illness/failing/disorder that a given human experiences within our society. It is from this approach that we get models such as the Serotonin Theory of depression and the Disease Model of addiction, and the corresponding pharmaceutical drugs labeled as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) (e.g., prozac), opiate analgesics (e.g., methadone) and inhibitory carbamoyl derivatives (e.g., disulfiram).
One of the main fallacies of the way western medicine examines, classifies, and treats health is in this notion of mind/body separation–your mind and your body are NOT, in fact, separate at all. And despite the numerous studies that have been carried out using the scientific method that prove the connection between physical ailments and emotional and psychological stress and illness, this erroneous idea that mental and physical health are separate and should be treated separately continues to plague our society, denying and dismissing the very real symptoms of its most vulnerable people.
As this baseless ideology has been generalized and mapped onto the “body” of society at large, the same fallacy of the individual being separate from the whole also prevails in our carceral treatment of conflict.
A meta analysis of scientific research conducted by Joanna Moncrieff was published in Nature magazine in 2022, unequivocally proving that the serotonin model of depression is not consistently backed up by neurological studies. And the disease model of addiction has been both scientifically and socially proven false by the fact that the USA and many other westernized cultures have been engaged in the same substance abuse “epidemic” for the last 50 years. The prevalence of alcohol and drug abuse as well as overdose deaths have been increasing steadily since the early 2000s. And yet, the western medical industry continues to hold fast to its individualistic medical model, refusing to address the impact of our collective participation in a visibly failing society.
What The Choreography of Conflict seeks to do:
Using a more holistic and humanizing model of health, and acknowledging the considerable shortcomings of the western medical model that most of us have been indoctrinated into, The Choreography of Conflict aims to view the discord and harm that arises in community using a comprehensive lens. Instead of reducing a person to the words and actions that they choose in a given moment, the aim is to understand how dis-ease arises in community settings, taking into account the symptoms throughout the “body” of community and society, and understanding individuals as a part of our larger systems, rather than diagnosing them as the malady and extricating them from community at the first sign of unrest. By supporting the processing and understanding of what occurs when we interact, the desire and hope is that, over time, this framework will give us the insights and tools we need to do the important work of unlearning harmful patterns and ways of being, healing trauma, and developing healthier community practices for navigating conflict.
Trauma lives encoded in the memories stored in our brains, and in the cells throughout our bodies. Sometimes there are words, and many times there are none. As humans, we need to talk, cry, scream, move, breathe, sleep, eat, rest, and create our way to healing. This framework is one part of our journey of healing in community, one way of looking at and moving in conflict.
This framework will not resonate with everyone. Everyone will not have the capacity or desire to confront conflict in this way. People may get part way through the process and need a break or to stop all together because they find that they don’t have what they need in order to continue. This is the nature of all living things.
Change/evolution/transformation is spasmodic. The purpose of community is not to fix or assimilate anyone. It is to provide us with a set of resources for life and support us in developing resources that are different from the ones we were given by colonized society. The Choreography of Conflict aims to promote self-discovery and healing, both individually and collectively.
Trust: The Balancing Act of Honesty & Belief
“I’ll tell you the truth, if you promise to believe me.”
“I promise to believe you, if you tell me the truth.”
Once you have given all you can to the endeavor of creating a safe space for honest communication, the other thing you must give is the gift of belief. This is the inner work of trust-building, and it is dependent on our ability to confront our past traumas and betrayals, believe in our collective ability to heal and grow, and hold healthy emotional boundaries around the conflict transformation process.
Creating a safe space for a person to admit their errors is only useful if, when they reveal parts of their imperfection to you, you are willing to witness and believe them in their vulnerability. This vulnerability and trust may be incremental. You may each tell one hard truth and avoid three others. This is a part of the process; this is a part of the work.
Wanna Dance?
Ready to enter The Choreography of Conflict? Get to know how you currently move in conflict and why:
Learn to acknowledge, process, and move through conflict:
Want to build resilience in navigating conflict? Consider a guided Therapeutic Listening Session (TLS):